Many people enter Honey Gifts looking for a sex toy. Some people also mention that their partner would feel jealous or inadequate if they bought a toy, or that they may have to hide it from their partner. A common response from a partner is: “Why do you need a toy? Am I not enough?” And while often meant jokingly, this can be a harmful comment that harbours shame. 

Many people, especially those with vulvas, find it easier to have an orgasm with toys.

Why is it still so hard to talk about? 

It can be useful to understand some common myths about the use of sex toys that often deter couples from experimenting with new things together.

Myth #1: Your partner is "bad in bed" if you use a toy during sex

Truth: The fact is, every person and every couple is different. That's why one person might really enjoy sex with no extra additions, while another one might get so excited just by the thought of being introduced to a sex toy.

There is no objective way to be “good” at sex. If your time in bed together is filled with performance anxiety and the pressure to impress, using toys can offer you both the opportunity to focus on experiencing pleasure and learning what the other likes. Toys can take the pressure off everyone and allow you to simply surrender to pleasure together. 

Hot tip: You can use toys on yourself to demonstrate for each other what brings you the most pleasure. 

Myth #2: People should only use toys for solo sex

A set of studies at Indiana University found that vibrator use during partnered sex is common, with 53% of women between the ages of 18-60 reporting that they use vibrators with a partner.

And, as various studies, using a vibrator can be related to having a positive libido and sexual function, being comfortable with one's body, and being proactive about one's sexual health.

Do you know that any sex toy can be used during a sexual encounter with a partner?

While some are called “couples toys”, that only refers to certain designs (often hands-free, and often referring to something that can be used during penetrative sex). However, if you are uncomfortable with the idea of introducing toys that only stimulate one partner, try starting with something that will stimulate both of you at the same time.

For example:

• One of the best couple toys for two vulva holders to share holding in between is the wand. The handle is very long, and you can always keep it in a certain position. The vibrating head has a big surface, so even if you move, the partners will stay in the right spot, each making contact.

   

• Double-ended insertable dildos like the Strap-on-me Vibrating Bendable Strap-On not only vibrate and stimulate the giving and the receiving partners, but are also quite versatile, as they can be used both for vaginal and anal penetration.

   

• With remote control toys, both of you can be involved in the pleasure by letting your partner have the control of the vibrations.

   

• Vibrating rings, for example, the Lelo Tor 3, provide pleasure in that the shaft of a penis is massaged and at the same time the clitoris of the receiving partner is stimulated via vibrations.

   

• Couples toys, as they are widely known, like the We-Vibe Chorus, provide both partners with hands-free vibrations during penetrative intercourse.

Myth #3: Toys will desensitize you 

Within a session, using strong vibrating toys may lead to desensitization temporarily, which is very common, even with manual stimulation. Many people, using vibrators or not, need breaks from intense stimulation to regain full sensation. Using a vibrator regularly to achieve orgasm can make your brain and body get used to the sensation, and you may end up reaching for your vibrator in order to reach orgasm more easily.

If you use a vibrator every time you have solo or partnered sex, that’s great! Enjoy! If you have previously found satisfaction without vibrators and want to return to that for any reason, try setting aside some alone time every day (or whenever possible) to PRACTICE stimulating yourself manually again. With some patience, consistency, and dedication, you will likely* be able to re-teach your body and mind to respond to manual touch in the ways it did before. Be patient and give yourself up to several weeks of practice without judgment.

*Note that some medications cause side effects that affect one’s ease in feeling arousal, experiencing sensation, or reaching orgasm. Be kind to yourself! You do not need to expect yourself to find satisfaction in the same ways as before starting the medication. 

Explore various toys and enjoy discovering different ways to pleasure yourself. Pro tip:

Lovense Hyphy and Lelo Dot are toys specially crafted to deliver exact vibrations to one area. This way, during the play, the vulva does not get overstimulated or desensitized.

Myth #4: Using toys is an unnatural way to have sex 

Yes, sex toys that are capable of vibrating are usually produced from plastic, metal, or silicone. Besides, non-vibrating sex toys are made of natural materials, glass is a good example, as are crystal. Besides, one has to keep in mind that sex is beyond procreation. Our society is still clinging a bit too much to views on "naturalness" that come up for having sex just to reproduce. Under this idea, our pleasure is neglected and Mainly the pleasure of vulva holders.

Now, how to actually talk to your partner about toys? You may find it difficult to mention it during sex, or you may even find it hard to talk about the idea of buying a toy to use together. Here are some tips:

• Talk about it outside of the sexual context, such as over dinner. This avoids any pressure that may be present when things are heating up.
• Introduce the topic with curiosity. “Have you ever used toys with a partner? Have you ever used them alone?

What did you like or dislike about it?” 

• Do some research for yourself first to see what options are out there. Visit our website or come in-store to talk to our knowledgeable sales associates. 
• Make a date out of it and go shopping together. Sales associates at Honey Gifts are happy to answer your questions, and you can get a feel for the different options by turning on the testers.
• If your partner is not open to it, open up the space to examine together why that might be and if it is overcomable. 
• Remember that your partner can only have control over their own desires and actions and should not be asserting control over yours non-consensually. If using toys is something you want but your partner does not, you can save them for your solo sex sessions (and yes, masturbation while in a relationship is completely normal)

FAQ Section

1. Can sex toys improve intimacy in a relationship?

Of course, couples using sex toys to try out different ways to stimulate each other, learn the types of stimulation they both like, and open up for deeper conversation in the bedroom isn't uncommon.

2. Does using a sex toy mean my partner is not satisfying me?

Contrary to common misconception, a partner's use of a sex toy does not indicate any lack of skills or attractiveness. They are a means of enhancing pleasure and closeness.

3. Is it normal to use sex toys during partnered sex?

Many adults do use sex toys as part of an exciting and fulfilling intimate relationship.

4. Why do some people feel uncomfortable discussing sex toys?

Frequently, cultural taboos, inadequate education, myths about intimacy, and worries that the partner will not understand and support the use of sex toys, might cause embarrassment.

5. Can sex toys help people reach orgasm more easily?

It is Really for a lot of people sex toys can offer steady stimulation, which may allow them to pleasure themselves, or experience an orgasm in a pleasant, easier way.

6. Are sex toys only meant for solo pleasure?

No. You can have fun with sex toys by using them either by yourself or while you are intimate with your partner and sex toys are often a natural part of such intimate relationship scenarios.

7. What are the benefits of introducing sex toys into a relationship?

Using sex toys can result in increased openness, sharing with one-another, getting acquainted with the tastes and desires of partner as well as the self, and experiencing more pleasure. You will probably find also relief from performance pressure in this way.

8. How can I talk to my partner about using sex toys?

Go to a relaxed environment that is not your bedroom, talk about the topic with an open and curious mind, share what interests you both and talk about what you are comfortable with.

9. What are some beginner-friendly couples sex toys?

Beggining usually these toys are preferred: remote control gadgets, vibration rings, massaging wands, and hands-free wearable accessories.

10. Do sex toys replace emotional intimacy?

No. Sex toys are tools that physically may make you more pleasurable, but are not substitutes for emotional bond love intimacy trust communication, etc...

11. Can sex toys help reduce performance anxiety?

Sharing physical pleasure and exploring one another without pressure on one another's performance is something that many partners get from the use of toys.

12. Is it common for women to use vibrators with partners?

Vibrato use by partnered women at the time of sexual intimacy is quite common, say studies.

13. Can using sex toys strengthen communication between partners?

Absolutely. Open up a conversation by first talking about likes, dislikes, and fantasies. More open and truthful discussions are the result of such conversations.

14. Will sex toys make me dependent on them for pleasure?

Mostly, people get turned on in different ways. Perhaps tastes will change as time passes, but using sexual aids will not necessarily lead to dependency.

15. Do vibrators cause permanent desensitization?

No clear indication from up-to-date investigations shows that desensitization is a long-term issue. A period of insensitivity may happen when the body has undergone a great amount of arousal or stimulation, yet that is not usual and it subsides rapidly.

16. How can I avoid overstimulation when using a vibrator?

Consider reducing the level of stimulation, resting briefly if necessary, and changing the stimulation modes.

17. Can couples use sex toys during penetrative sex?

Absolutely! Quite a few toys are made wanting to being used comfortably during penetrative sex.

18. Are remote-control sex toys good for couples?

Remote-controlled toys are a great way to bring a new dimension of intimacy into your sex life and they give lovers an opportunity to indulge in each other's pleasures.

19. What is a couples sex toy?

A sex toy for couples is aimed at giving one or both partners arousal during their shared sexual moments.

20. Is masturbation normal while in a relationship?

Of course not! Masturbation is a very natural activity and many people masturbate even while they have a committed relationship.

21. Can sex toys help me learn more about my body?

Of course, a lot of people resort to sex toys to figure out what they like, experience different types of pleasure, and become more familiar with their bodies.

22. Are sex toys safe to use?

Sex toys are usually safe if their materials are non-toxic/non-polar and the user follows the instructions that come with the toy.

23. What materials are best for sex toys?

You've probably heard that body-safe silicone, Stainless Steel, Borosilicate Glass, and ABS Plastic are among the most popular and safe materials used for sex toys.

24. How do I clean a sex toy properly?

Use the directions provided by the manufacturer. A great majority of body-safe toys should be cleanable with warm water, a toy cleaner, or just some very mild soap.

25. Can sex toys improve sexual confidence?

A lot of customers say that knowing their preferences and pleasures have made them more confident.

26. Is it okay if my partner is hesitant about sex toys?

Open dialogue, mutual respect, and being aware of each other's needs help couples cope with sensitive matters, such as this.

27. How do I choose the right sex toy for couples?

It is recommended to check both partners' levels of comfort, the type of sensations they want to get or do themselves, the level of each of them and the possibility of shared stimulation.

28. Are vibrating rings good for beginners?

Vibrating rings are often a good starter choice as they are not complicated and provide sexual stimulation for both partners.

29. Can sex toys be part of a healthy relationship?

Yes. When used with the partner's agreement through open discussion, sexual devices bring benefits to a relationship just as well.

30. What should I do if I feel embarrassed about using sex toys?

Keep in mind that each individual has their own preferences and sexuality, and pleasure. Discovering one's sexuality and having discussions about intimacy can greatly ease a person from the feeling of embarrassment and stigma.

31. How can couples shop for sex toys together?

Search online, visit trusted stores, openly speak about your preferences, and pick out items which both of you feel alright with experimenting on.

32. What is the biggest myth about sex toys?

What probably is the most widespread misconception about sex toys is that they replace a sexual partner. Actually, many people just use them as ways of improving their sexual pleasure and closeness with a partner.