Ménage à trois? Honey's Guide to a Happy and Successful Threesome

Communication, Communication, Communication Opening up a relationship to a third party can be an exciting fantasy come true, but in reality it can either be as fantastic as you imagined or a complete disaster. The most important thing is to make sure you and your partner have discussed and communicated your desires, wants and rules for opening your sensual playground to others. Throwing your inhibitions to the wind and just letting things happen can be exciting but the unfortunate result of a lack of communication and forethought could be the beginning of the end of your relationship. So here are a few thoughts to discuss before entering the world of threesomes:

1. Jealousy: What is jealousy to you? Even the most open an honest of couples can feel jealous, and introducing a third party can often add fuel to the fire. Feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, fears of abandonment or of being rejected are all causes or reactions to the feeling of jealousy. Thus communication is important so you can discuss your feelings and try to resolve any issues that may arise beforehand so that you will be able to enjoy your threesome completely without unnecessary worry about your partner's interest in the other person.

2. Rules: Setting ground rules before you actually participate in this fantasy is always a good idea. If you and your partner are otherwise monogamous and usually do use condoms then it is a good idea to make sure that when in the threesomes there are condoms and safety measures used. Setting up the rules beforehand can help stop any uncomfortable decisions during your play time. Also it is a good idea to communicate anything of which you would be uncomfortable sharing with the third person (kissing, penetration …etc), because you either want that to be special for just the two of you, or you're concerned for heath reasons, whatever the case may be it is a good idea to know where to draw the line.

3. That Third Person: Depending on your comfort level with choosing a person you can decide to pick someone you know, or find someone through acquaintances or online.
With someone you know: Whether a close friend or someone who you are in communication with on a regular basis can be rewarding, it can prove to have its challenges too. You could find yourself jealous because your friendship with this person has shifted, or if the communication and friendship has been established it could be very rewarding to open up your two-some to a three-some with someone you know and love. It can be trickier so communication is even more important amongst you, your partner and friend.
Acquaintances or Online: Finding someone with whom you have not been intimately acquainted with through online sites or friends of friends can often be easier emotionally on you and your partner. There can be less emotional entanglements for everyone involved and can be easier to terminate the relationship if it is not working for you because you are not concerned about also loosing their friendship. One of the downsides to this arrangement is that sometimes you can find someone and they may not be compatible or other issues arise from not knowing them well. Make sure to have a good screening process in place and take tests for safety measures as well if you are planning in advance.

4. Safety: When leaving the relative safety of a monogamous relationship you must concern yourself with health issues such as STD testing and preventative measures. Always use a condom if you are sharing fluids with the third party, unless the three of you are monogamous only to each other and have all been tested for STD's and HIV. Also, with HIV you must wait for usually 6 months and then get tested again because certain antibodies may not show up right away, so if you're wishing to go the non-barrier method be sure to use a barrier for those 6 months before everyone gets tested again. Also barrier methods prevent unwanted pregnancies.

Honey's Q & A: After Pregnancy Intimacy

Q: I had a baby two months ago. My heart and brain are screaming for sex, but my body is still saying ‘no way!’ Will I ever be able to enjoy sex again?

A: Congratulations on the new addition to your family. You can certainly enjoy sex after pregnancy. The key is going slow and listening to your body.

Much will depend on how much wear and tear you experienced while giving birth. If you were torn or had an episiotomy, it could take longer before you truly feel comfortable during sex. Exactly how long depends on a number of things, including how long you normally take to heal, the extent of tearing or type of episiotomy, length of labor and whether the delivery was assisted by forceps or vacuum extraction.

Kegel exercises, up to 100 per day, are one step to getting your pelvic floor muscles strong again. Find the muscles by imagining you’re urinating. Squeeze the muscles as if you were stopping the flow of urine. Let go and try again. Squeeze and release repeatedly to strengthen the vaginal muscles. Adding a toy designed to help with Kegels such as Smart Balls or Lelo Luna Luxury Balls can be helpful and fun.

Even without tears, you will likely notice your vagina does not lubricate as well as before. This is due to low levels of estrogen. Also, breastfeeding can increase dryness as lactating women produce fewer of the ovarian hormones that make you lubricate. This means a good water-based lube is a must.

Plenty of foreplay is essential too. Not only will it help move lubrication along, but if your body isn’t feeling up to the act itself, foreplay can be the main event. Plenty of cuddling, petting, oral sex and mutual masturbation will help keep you and your partner physically close.

As your body heals, you may find certain sexual positions you enjoyed pre-pregnancy and even while pregnant no longer feel comfortable. Rather than dwelling on this as a negative, use it as an opportunity to try new positions. You may be pleasantly surprised. Side-to-side or woman-on-top positions will allow you more control and put less stress on body parts that may still be healing.

Most of all keep communicating with your partner and keep a sense of humor. If pain persists, see your doctor.